Monday, July 25, 2005

MTV Minutes

Meet MTV, where every show is the worst show ever created. In fact, I am now convinced that the executive of MTV has to be Satan, because only the devil would create, and air such ruthlessly absurd programming. Turn on MTV at any given time and you're likely to find a gay episode of 'Date my mom'. In this episode a gay man embarks on dates with mothers of other 'queers'. Not only is the premise disgusting, the show itself takes every opportunity to show the gays 'making out', and talking of previous gay fornication encounters. How about a gay or lesbian room raiders? or a gay/lesbian Next? You name it, MTV has done it. In a statement, 'If it's immoral and disgusting, MTV has done it.' But yet we continue to view its programming. Maybe it's because we are shocked by what it brings. Maybe it is because now all the sudden we are 'ok' with gays being portrayed in the media as 'strong' and even 'heroic'. I don't know what it is that is causing us to allow and even celebrate such intolerable behavior being embraced by MTV, but for now you can do your part by simply not watching. Starting a new movement- "keep the queer outta here".

MTV has the gay, we know, but it also has the stupid. The Andy Milonakis show? what the eff is this honestly? It makes Stella look like Seinfeld. I don't know what it is or what it's about, I just know it sucks.
Real World is an ok premise- the first 10 times, but they have exhausted all avenues yet still continue to produce it. They also always have the gay sceneraios working for you of course. So don't watch it on a full stomach for fear of vomiting.

The only decent MTV show is perhaps MTV 2's 'High School Stories'. Why is it decent? It is without gay/liberal innuendo and ideals.


Cute bird

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

And the winners are...

# 1 Best summer series- ENTOURAGE-HBO

What the network says:
In June, HBO presents Season Two of Entourage, the hit comedy series executive produced by Mark Wahlberg that takes a look at the day-to-day life of Vincent (Vince) Chase, a hot young actor in modern-day Hollywood, and his entourage. He's brought with him from their hometown in Queens, NY: manager Eric, half-brother Drama, and friend Turtle. The series draws on the experiences of industry insiders to illustrate both the heady excesses of today's celebrity lifestyle, as well as the difficulty of finding love and success in the fast track of show biz. Now that the boys are getting used to the perks of stardom, Eric, along with superagent Ari, keep Vince's star rising while making sound decisions for a long-lasting career in a world of fleeting fame.
Adrian Grenier ("Drive Me Crazy," "Hart's War") stars as Vince. Kevin Connolly ("Antwone Fisher," "John Q") plays Eric, Vince's closest confidant who's learning the rules of the business as he tries to help Vince make the right choices and keep his trajectory aimed high. Kevin Dillon ("The Doors," "Platoon") plays Vince's half-brother Drama, whose own acting aspirations have been eclipsed by Vince's success. Jerry Ferrara ("Grounded for Life," "Leap of Faith") plays Turtle, the house manager, who's always up for a good time. Jeremy Piven ("Old School," "The Larry Sanders Show") plays Ari, Vince's aggressive, high-powered agent, who clashes with Eric over his client's decisions.
Also appearing in ENTOURAGE are Debi Mazar ("Goodfellas," "The Tuxedo") as Vince's publicist Shauna and Monica Keena ("Undeclared") as Eric's ex-girlfriend Kristen.

What I say:This show amazes me every time I view it. It is the only show (aside from family guy) that I make time to watch every week. Call me sunday evening at 9, and I will not answer- I am busy. Basically living the prototypical 'perfect life', the crew goes around in everyday situations and, andbig times all the insignificant people. Money, sex, drugs, power- the crew does it all, as mastermind Mark Wahlberg splices it all together in a union of side-splitting humor, and dramatic moments. Will Vince get the job in that movie? will Vince 'rock' that 'broad' from the studio? All exciting questions that are answered each week. Ari, the agent(Dean Pritchert, old school) is comic genius. Ari is witty, dominating, and razor sharp. If you don't watch this, start watching. If you don't get HBO, get it.

#1 Worst- Stella- OK, I screwed up, this show is not the 5th worst.After seeing it the first time, i hated it so much that I had to put it on 'worst' right away. But after viewing it twice more I have come to the conclusion that no show, no matter how bad deserves to be rated worse than Stella. This show just plain sucks. In fact, it fucking sucks. It insults the intelligence of every human being, even liberals. Watch this one time just to understand where I am coming from, or better yet, just shove a broomhandle up your ass, put your head in a vice, and squeeze it tight; this will give you an idea of what it feels like to watch Stella.

Recap:Best 1. Entourage
2. Family Guy
3. Reno 911
4. Rescue Me
5. Hit me Baby One More Time

Worst 1. Stella
2. Mind of Mencia
3. Into The West
4. The Comeback
5. Stella

Please remember MTV is left out because everything the air is garbage, and ESPN is exempt because everything they air is gold. please look soon for my piece on MTV

Sunday, July 17, 2005


the much anticipated #2 best and worst shows on summer TV are upon us

Family Guy- Fox
What the network says:Go ahead and click here

What I say: What is left to be said about this? everyone knows it, loves it, and has the DVD box set. If you don't like it, you are probably just fucking stupid, and don't understand its humor. the new episodes are just as brilliant as the old ones, and will sell even better once out on DVD. Watch out for American Dad also, as I am a huge fan, and believe it will soon be right up here in the top 5.

#2 Worst: Mind of Mencia- Comedy Central
What the network says:Carlos Mencia takes no prisoners. In Mind of Mencia, the critically-acclaimed comedian mercilessly skewers the current and the cultural, whether in the studio, in the audience, out on the street, and in commercial parodies. Enter Carlos Mencia's mind, and immerse yourself in his unique, unflinching take on the world.

What I say: Comedy Central again swings and misses with this mexican-catering program. Mencia tries to play up the whole "politically incorrect" bit throughout his entire show; sorry, Chapelle already did that. He also plays up the cliche'd 'Latino pride' angle. Which just makes you want to beat his goofy enchilda eating ass right back to Juarez. This whole show is Carlos talking about being edgy and funny, but never actually acomplidhing it. Believe me, to ge ranked lower than Stella, you have to try reallllly hard; or just simply use Mexican comedy, because thats the only program that could be worse than Stella. Well....1 of 2 that are worse

I don't really know how to describe this. just click and drag to get unstuck

What could beat Family Guy?!?! What could be worse than Stella?!?! Find out when number one rolls around

Thursday, July 14, 2005

numero 4 tommorow.. hockey talk now

With the new deal, I felt it an appropriate time to talk a bit about our great game. And since I still only have one hand, I will save the intense talk for another day. For now I will leave you with a couple fun links

Classic Espy skit

lets hope they create this

A brain thats 1/3 the size of ours....its science


RENO 911- Comedy Central
What the network says:The brave men and women of the Washoe County Sheriff's Department give you the 411 on the thin khaki line that keeps Reno, Nevada on the straight and narrow. Led by Lt. Jim Dangle, the officers of Reno 911! will teach you all about law enforcement and the nitty-gritty lives of a group of cops who won't hesitate to beat you with your own shoe.

What I say:This show is great, funny, witty, intelligent. Best of all it is original. Jim Dangle is perhaps the best character on TV right now. Even with no high tone actors, this show will continue to thrive. The only problem is as soon as it is over, one is forced to change the channel, as it is followed by Stella, which FUCKING blows .


Into The West- TNT
What the network says:The story of the opening of the American West is given epic treatment in Turner Network Television (TNT)'s 12-hour original limited series INTO THE WEST, produced by TNT in association with DreamWorks Television and executive producer Steven Spielberg. This dramatic tale of the adventurous exploration of the American wilderness, the clash of two cultures, the rush to riches in a new land and the building of a new civilization features a starring cast headed by Matthew Settle (U-571, Band of Brothers); Skeet Ulrich (Miracles, As Good as It Gets); Michael Spears (Dances with Wolves, TNT's Broken Chain); Tonantzin Carmelo (King Rikki, 187 Shadow Lane); George Leach (DreamKeeper, After the Harvest); and Zahn McClarnon (TNT's Crazy Horse and Cooperstown).

Currently shooting in Calgary and New Mexico, INTO THE WEST is slated to premiere on TNT in June 2005. Darryl Frank (Taken, Las Vegas) and Justin Falvey (Las Vegas), co-heads of DreamWorks Television, serve as co-executive producers, along with William Mastrosimone (Sinatra, The Burning Season), who also wrote the overall story for the series and the scripts for three of its installments. INTO THE WEST is produced by David A. Rosemont, executive producer of TNT's Purgatory and Emmy-winning Door to Door.

"INTO THE WEST is the most ambitious original production TNT has ever undertaken," said Michael Wright, senior vice president of original programming for TNT. "Producing something of this size and complexity would be impossible without the amazing talents and passionate hard work of those who are bringing it to life. We are fortunate to have some of the most talented people in the industry working on what we believe will be the television event of the year."

INTO THE WEST follows two multi-generational families, one settlers and the other Native American, each telling the dramatic stories of the development of the West from their distinct points of view. One family is the Wheeler clan, a Virginia family of wheelwrights making their trek westward. The other family is a plains Native American family hailing from the Lakota tribe. Throughout the series, the two families will experience the historical and cultural events that led to an epic clash of culture, often coming in contact with notable figures and events from the era.

What I say: TNT says they know drama, and they are usually correct, with shows like The Closer, and Law And Order. This time, however, they no nothing. The ever so cliche topic of the old west is done up in very cliche fashion. Steven Spielberg strikes out with this dragging drama

look for numero dos very soon !

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

TV Tidbits: Volume dos

Helping you sort out what series' to watch this summer. (refer to original tv tidbits for groundrules).(Additional note, MTV shows will also go unranked, consider everything they put on the air the worst show on television. MTV sucks, quit watching it. seriously, the network represents the downturn of society's moral values, and intelligence level).

#4 BEST -Rescue Me-FX
What the critics say:''Rescue Me" is, among other things, an exploration of men who act like adolescent boys in the house, despite their heroics out in the field. It's all about macho suppression, the inability to ''process" feelings. But the women featured on the show are richly drawn too, as they cope with the immaturity of the men around them. Callie Thorne is formidable as Sheila, the wife of Tommy's firefighter cousin who died in the 9/11 attacks. Joined by nothing more than shared grief, Sheila and Tommy have been having an affair, and she's now pregnant. Thorne is an electric presence on the show, as is Diane fare as a female firefighters whom Chief Reilly (Jack McGee) can only bring himself to call 'the girl" instead of Laura.

Created by Leary and Peter Dolan, 'rescue Me" is yet another badge for F'S, along with ''The Shield" and ''Nip/Tuck." It's a rich series -- certainly one of the year's best --that deserves a loyal viewership. Like Leary himself, it never loses sight of comic potential, and there are laugh-out-loud exchanges in every episode. But it's a drama at heart, and a drama with a lot of heart
.-Matthew Gilbert, Boston Globe

What I say: Rescue me, back for its second season is yet another home run for the up and coming F'S network. This show is for men, and it has hockey fan Dennis Leary- Which explains why I may love it so much. It's a drama with 'pop'. This show comes at you with edge, humor, profanity, and sexual innuendo. There is really nothing to dislike. It isn't 'epic', but it is very solid.

WORST: The Comeback-HBO
What the network says:Created by two of Hollywood's top comedic talents, Lisa Kudrow (Friends) and Sex and the City executive producer Michael Patrick King, The Comeback is a scripted show about a woman trying to manage her unscripted life in the minefield that is television. Wrenchingly "real" and ridiculously surreal, it's a world where success and failure are often determined by age, looks, and (perhaps less frequently) sheer determination.

The new 13-episode series The Comeback begins Sunday, June 5th at 9:30 pm, which follows Season Two of Entourage. Encores of each episode will run Mondays at 10 pm and Wednesdays at 10:30 pm.

Kudrow is Valerie Cherish, a faded former sitcom star so desperate to revive her career that she agrees to be the focus of a reality TV show called The Comeback, which follows her every move as she attempts to land a part in a new network sitcom about "four sexy singles living in a condo." The Comeback (the HOB show, that is) draws back the curtain on the brutal hilarity of reality TV, the madness of network sitcoms, and the comic trials of a 40ish actress struggling to resuscitate her career and control her personal life - all under the unforgiving scrutiny of the camera.

Weaving in and out of Valerie's wake are her husband Mark (Damian Young) and her housekeeper Esperanza (Lillian Hurst), who are ill at ease sharing their lives with the voyeuristic cameras. Luckily there's Mickey (Robert Michael Morris), Valerie's jovial hairdresser, who's happy to camp it up ("I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille" he chuckles into the lenses that greet him at Valerie's front door) - that is when he's not fretting about his health benefits. Accompanying (and usually eclipsing) Valerie on the set of her new sitcom are "the kids," four scarcely-clad young singles who were in grade school when she starred in her hit series I'm It! Capturing everything for the cameras is Jane (Laura Silverman), the hard-edged reality show producer who clashes with Valerie as she struggles to control the behind-the-scenes chronicles of her unraveling life.

A show-within-a-show-within-a-show, The Comeback is an original and timely look at the humor and humiliations that often accompany the single-minded pursuit of the limelight, and what passes for entertainment and "reality" in the meat-grinder that is modern day television.

What I say: The only brutal hillarity about this show is the fact that HOB is effing themselves by airing it. Lisa Kudrow ONLY works as Pheobe, she is a 'niche actor'. Well in the show she is out of that niche, and she sucks. I was pumped to watch this, and even more pumped when it finally ended, a brutal 32 minutes later. The only bright spot is Esperansa the cleaning lady. She is Mexican, and can't speak English, so we can't hear any lines come out of her mouth that don't work, and aren't funny; which is all we hear from Kudrow, who absolutely blows it in this show.

Best: 5)Hit Me Baby One More Time- NBC
4)Rescue Me-FX
WORST:5)Stella-Comedy Central
4)The Comeback-HBO

Ranger wrap up/rooting rules

the popular segment "tv tidbits will return TOMMOROW
# 4 on tv list will have to wait, as I have to many July 4th Ranger notes:
My boys were able to pull off the 9th inning comeback; much to the dismay of the crowd at Ameriquest Field. Yes, it seemed as if I had taken a wrong turn on I-30 and ended up at Fenway Park. The second I stepped from my truck, it started; "lets go sox" was being chanted by a group that sounded no more like New Englanders than Kenny Chesney. Everywhere I looked was the same; the traditional sell-out Dallas/Fort Worth sports fan was out in full force on this night. Not that I didn't expect it, coupling the worst group of fans in the United States with the team that boasts the highest number of pseudo fans in sports was sure to be a volatile mixture. The Red Sox fake fans have certainly grown in number in the past year. The North East medai bias, the world championship win, and the abundance of all-American/white/good-looking players are just some of the reasons this team is so popular. But please, as I pointed out via screaming to the failure next to me, do not pretend to be a die-hard member of Redsox Nation. The Redsox do have some of the best fans in sports, and they don't have any room for you, or your buddy that lives across from you at your home in Colleyville. if real Sox fans had a chance, they would call you a "faayget" for trying to pretend you are a part of the proud Redsox heritage. You are the reason I savored this Ranger victory oh so much more (as I let many of you know upon exiting the stadium). For this reason, I have compiled the following "Rules for Team Allegiance."

1. You must first show allegience to the team that plays in your city, or state.
(If more than one team in your city/state, it may be deemed acceptable to choose between them. i.e. me choosing the Spurs over the Mavericks).
2. If no teams in your city/state, you must now choose to follow the team closest to your region.(must be within reason. i.e. person from Oregon roots for Seattle Seahawks
3.roots Exception- One may be allowed to root for a team playing in a city/ state from which that fan is originally from-(i.e. Insurance salesman from Cleveland moves to Denver, he can now root for both the Rockies and the Indians. Exception to the exception- the only time this man can't root for his Indians is at a Rockies home game vs the Indians(doesnt happen, but go with it).... he is now a Denverite, and must support the team playing in his new city, he musn't go with his Indians gear, and scream loudly so as to let everyone at Coors Field know that yes, he is from Cleveland originally.)
4. Dad exemption- I don't care if your dad grew up in NYC if now you live in San Diego; you cant root for the Yankees. (exception, your dad played for the Yankees, now you can root for them.
5. Race rule- you may in fact root for a team solely because of race, color, nationality, or creed.(i.e. black person rooting fr the Pistons or Falcons, or the '00 Edmonton Oilers, or the Williams sisters. White man rooting for the Rangers, Mavericks, or Patriots, or against the Williams sisters. A 'latino' rooting for the Mets, a religious man rooting against Lance Armstrong, etc.) rule- can root only for school at which you graduated. if you attended, without graduating, you are not elidgable. (exception: catholics can root for Notre Dame, and Mormans for BYU).

quick note: On the way home from the game I witnessed a tragedy that was the picture of irony: an Ice Cream truck burst into flame.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

TV Tidbits

The television is hot right now, with a scrumptious buffet of solid shows. How are you to decide which shows to stop down for? Luckily,you have 'Life expert' Jarrod Yost at your fingertips to show you the way this summer, as he ranks the top 5 and bottom 5 series' on television. (Note, all ESPN programming is exempt, anything they put on the air is the best., also, it is only summer shows, so great shows like The Apprentice are inelidgible.)
The best and worst will each be counted down, 5-1, in a dramatic sequence on the blog. You will see one best, and one worst released every day for the next 5. What will I rate as the best show going on TV right now? Keep logging on each day to find out

5)Hit me baby one more time-NBC- What the network says:NBC has added a new alternative series to its summer 2005 lineup with "Hit Me Baby One More Time," a one-hour competition program featuring veteran music hit-makers who will each perform their greatest hit -- as well as cover a popular contemporary song -- with the favorite to be determined by audience voting, beginning Thursday, June 2 (9-10 p.m. ET).
All three episodes of the series will be hosted by Vernon Kay, who also hosted the British version on ITV.
The announcement was made by Craig Plestis, Senior Vice President, Alternative Programming & Development.
"This exciting new series will reunite the audience with some of their favorite classic musical performers and groups who will play their hits and then compete against each other in an entertaining battle of the bands," said Plestis.
Also included in "Hit Me Baby One More Time" will be background packages on what made the hit-makers famous as well as updates of their current lives and careers.
Kay is a veteran host (or "presenter") in the United Kingdom whose credits include "Head Jam" and "Boys and Girls." He also appeared as himself in the feature film "Shaun of the Dead."
The new series joins six other original alternative series that NBC recently announced would premiere this summer.
"Hit Me Baby One More Time" will be produced by Granada America. The executive producers are Paul Jackson ("Nanny 911," "Hell's Kitchen"), Curt Northrup ("Celebrity Fit Club," "America Princess"), Michael Agbabian & Dwight D. Smith ("Last Comic Standing," "Weakest Link"), Daniel Soiseth ("Hell's Kitchen," "Big Brother 4") and Stewart Morris ("Brainiac," "Million2One")

What I say: This show is a must see for anyone intelligent and witty. It's always fantastic to work an obscure musical reference into a joke, and this show sure has its fair share of obscurity. Who doesn't want to see Haddaway and Vanilla Ice? The only beef I have is the obviously coached audience-there is no way they should be that excited for Tommy Tutone. and the tired, cliched, Euro host, which we have seen far too much of lately, grates on you a bit.

WORST: Stella-Comedy Central
What the network says:Stella features the comedic trio of Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter and David Wain as three characters whose travels through everyday life are unlike anything else on television. With a perfect blend of cleverness and absurdity, Stella satirizes everyday experiences like finding an apartment, hanging out at a coffee shop, going camping and trying to meet women. What are common, normal situations for most people quickly end up in the most unexpected realms when these guys are at the helm.
Even though they're always dressed in suits, their maturity level doesn't always fit their attire. These modern day Marx Brothers spread their non-sensical comedy to everyone they meet and everywhere they go. Their sensibilities are tinged with both sarcasm and wit; the characters, and the show in general, find a way to be both smart and sophomoric.

What I Say:
This show,which absolutely sucks, is shockingly an improvement from the trio's stand up routine, which reminds one of a poor, low budget time waster that the school district would hire to entertain its elementary schools. Plane students, think 'nana puddin' in suits. It is stupid, brainless, and very "wet" comedy. When watching ,you constantly find yourself saying to the characters, "yeah, I got the joke, it just wasn't funny. In fact, it fucking sucked." In fact, its so bad that when watching it with others, you feel awkward throughout the whole show
because you know everyone is thinking the same thing you do-this show is blowing it.

keep looking for #4 coming soon..