Thursday, June 30, 2005


Another session of my most popular entry:
Why oh why, generic gym-goer, do you insist upon driving around the parking lot for 20 minutes trying to find a close up spot? This isn't Christmas shopping at Grapevine Mills. You are going in to a place to actually sweat, and get a big workout in. If you are planning to walk the treadmill for an hour, what difference does it make to add another 30 feet to your walk from the car to the building? Lets be honest generic mom, you look like hell, a little extra walk will not hurt you.

Excuse me, sir, but that is not a rep. Mr Bigwheel with 225 on the bench(which i by the way warm up with and i am 20 years younger than you), it's your big chance to shine, but you can't fool me, I saw you pick that bar up, barely move it an inch, re rack it, and the get up yelling and screaming. Well you are a failure, and you are only kidding yourself

The Jarrod Yost foundation is pleased to announce the newest person accepted to the All that is man club: Congratulations Jeremy Roenick!

Again sorry for the lack of depth and humor, this one hand thing is killing me

Monday, June 27, 2005

Surgery talk

So the whole thing went well/ according to plan. Its pretty interesting- the last I recall I was wheeled into a room with Motley Crue playing from the stereo, then I wake up 3 hours later with 4 pins in my hand , a cast on my arm, and the worst hangover man has ever experienced.

I believe that anyone living in a zone that tsunami's, or hurricanes are possible deserves whatever consequences nature deals them. We continue to have this sympathy for people who insist on coastal living. Eff 'em- You build there, you deserve to get rocked by the elements- its the risk you take. stop exhausting our federal disaster relief funds because of your stupidity. News outlets make these people look helpless, when all they are is fucking stupid. Don't look to me for sympathy anymore.

Oh my.........

Don't click this

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Silver Spurs Posted by Hello

San Antoni-notes

Well as hard as it will be to type with only one hand, i will do it for you tonight.
As you know I traveled down to Sa(pronounced 'say') town for game 6. I'll be real honest, I was expecting nothing less than a world championship, and an endless night of Riverwalk partying with my fellow Spurs fanatics. Well, I'll be a black aviator, they lost. My boys effing blew it, Tim, Manu, and Bob especially, all forgot their game, and decided to play like it was november, and not late June. However, it was a great experience, and I loved every minute of the trip. I love Taco Cabana, and there are 17,000 in the Greater San Antonio area, so that alone created great excitement. The SBC center is pure greatness. Outside pregame is unreal- one big fiesta. Music, excitement, chants- I was effing pumped.These people love their team, every truck has a Spurs logo, or an outline of manu's face. Inside, the fiesta continues, as shades of the Alamodome can be seen throughout. Pink, yellow, green adorn the walls with pride. I was able to get some sick merchandise as well, in one of the many stores. The bowl seating is smaller, and intimate- which makes it greatness. his game had by far the best atmosphere of any sporting event I have ever witnessed. God's team will prevail tommorow, and my boys will grab the ship. Would love to share some anecdotes, but I really can't type anymore. I will be grabbing my surgery tommorow, so Im hoping that goes swimmingly.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Sling talk

Please do not expect me to type much here in thee next couple of days, as i have only one hand available due to my impending hand surgery. just know that this effing sucks- I will now be forced to be behind the bench for a coaching role during the ITC Invitational, and will be forced tp miss Bozeman tryouts. Not to mention the crunch it puts me in for WaFalls. Eff this

The only saving grace is my boys getting it back together and me attendng tommorow's game 6

Expect some good posts soon, but not right now, I'm a little vexed.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Spurs mop floor with a bunch of spares

Spurs dominate the Pistons to win game 2. Right now the Pistons look like the Clippers, and appear to have no business even playing on the same surface as the mighty Spurs. However, going back to Auburn Hills, and The Palace (A name in which by the way suits Detroit, as the only thing they have to be proud of is their somewhat mediocre sporting venue) could cause a shift in momentum. But lets hope not. I for one hope the Pistons take two of three in Detroit, facilitating a game 6 finals win (which I will be attending if in fact the game 6 is played).

Please do not fill your damn waterbottle in my fountain. I am actually working out here, and I need the water. Once you are done filling your gallon bottle, with some faggoty handle on it, all the cold is gone. I not only need the water, I deserve it to be cold and you are depriving me of that privilege.

Expect a new piece soon on women driving while talking on cell phones, I am gathering data and documenting trends, look forward to it

Zwace's new teammates Posted by Hello

If God created a television event.............

It would be this.....

On most Saturdays in June and July FSN Southwest relives all Stars playoff wins of the 1999 Stanley Cup championship season with one-hour highlight shows devoted to each victory (see telecast schedule below). The programs are grouped in four-hour blocks corresponding with each round.

The series culminates Saturday, July 16 at 6:00 PM CT with the Cup-clinching 2-1 triple-overtime win over Buffalo in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals telecast in its entirety.

Dallas Stars announcers Ralph Strangis and Daryl Reaugh host the one-hour highlight shows and offer commentary and their recollections of the thrilling championship season.

The ULTIMATE DALLAS STARS COLLECTION series premiered on FSN Southwest in December with 10 one-hour shows looking back at memorable regular-season games in Dallas Stars history.

The playoff series is telecast throughout the network's Southwest region, reaching more than 8 million cable and satellite TV homes in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana.

FSN Southwest Ultimate Dallas Stars Collection 1999 Stanley Cup Series TV Schedule

Saturday, June 4
Western Conference Quarterfinals: Dallas vs. Edmonton
6:00 p.m. Game 1: Dallas 2, Edmonton 1 -- Guy Carbonneau's wrist shot
between the legs of Tommy Salo at 13:07 of the third period highlights the
Stars' comeback victory.

7:00 p.m. Game 2: Dallas 3, Edmonton 2 -- The Stars connect for two
goals in four minutes of the third period to clinch the victory as Jere
Lehtinen and Jamie Langenbrunner lead the late scoring attack and Ed Belfour
stops 17 of 19 shots.

8:00 p.m. Game 3: Dallas 3, Edmonton 2 -- The Stars score three third
period goals to overcome a 2-0 deficit. Mike Keane, Mike Modano and Joe
Nieuwendyk spark the comeback.

9:00 p.m. Game 4: Dallas 3, Edmonton 2 (3 OT) -- Nieuwendyk's
deflection of a Sergei Zubov slap shot at 17:34 of the third overtime gives
Dallas the series sweep, ending the longest game in Stars history at five
hours and 20 minutes.

Saturday, June 11
Western Conference Semifinals: Dallas vs. St. Louis
3:00 p.m. Game 1: Dallas 3, St. Louis 0 -- Belfour records his fifth
career shutout stopping 23 shots and Pat Verbeek returns to the Dallas
lineup after missing the Edmonton series with a knee injury to score what
proves to be the game-winning goal just 2:25 into the game.

4:00 p.m. Game 2: Dallas 5, St. Louis 4 (OT) -- Nieuwendyk snaps a
wrist shot over Grant Fuhr's shoulder at 8:22 of OT to give the Stars their
sixth straight win in the playoffs.

5:00 p.m. Game 5: Dallas 3, St. Louis 1 -- The Stars take advantage
of Lehtinen's short-handed goal and two power play tallies to beat the Blues
despite being outshot 31-16.

6:00 p.m. Game 6: Dallas 2, St. Louis 1 (OT) -- Modano's goal just
2:21 into OT gives the Stars the series win. Belfour stops 28 of 29 shots.

Saturday, June 25
Western Conference Finals: Dallas vs. Colorado
5:00 p.m. * Game 2: Dallas 4, Colorado 2 -- Nieuwendyk nails his third
game-winning goal of the playoffs at 11:52 of the third period and the Stars
storm Patrick Roy with 45 shots to even the series at 1-1.

6:00 p.m. * Game 3: Dallas 3, Colorado 0 -- Belfour continues his
stellar play in the playoffs, stopping 34 shots for his sixth career shutout
and Nieuwendyk registers his fourth game-winner of the playoffs and adds two

7:00 p.m. Game 6: Dallas 4, Colorado 1 -- Langenbrunner and Richard
Matvichuk score 14 seconds apart with just under three minutes left to force
a seventh game in the series.

8:00 p.m. Game 7: Dallas 4, Colorado 1 -- Former Avalanche Keane
scores a pair of goals, including the game-winner, to send Dallas to the
Stanley Cup Finals and complete the comeback against Colorado.

* -- telecast only in Northern region markets.

Saturday, July 2
Stanley Cup Finals: Dallas vs. Buffalo
2:30 p.m. Game 2: Dallas 4, Buffalo 2 -- Following a heart-breaking
overtime loss in Game 1, the Stars get goals from Langenbrunner, Craig
Ludwig, Brett Hull and Derian Hatcher to even the series.

3:30 p.m. Game 3: Dallas 2, Buffalo 1 - Nieuwendyk's playoff magic
continues as he scores both Stars goals, tying the NHL record for
game-winning goals in one playoff year with his sixth.

4:30 p.m. Game 5: Dallas 2, Buffalo 0 -- Belfour has another
incredible night, turning back 23 shots for his third shutout of the 1999
playoffs and seventh of his playoff career as the Stars come to within one
victory of the Stanley Cup.

Saturday, July 16
Stanley Cup Finals Game 6: Dallas Brings Home The Cup
6:00 p.m. Game 6: Dallas 2, Buffalo 1 (3 OT) - FSN Southwest telecasts
one of the most memorable events in Dallas sports history in its entirety.
The Stars capture their first Stanley Cup in dramatic fashion as Brett Hull
slides a shot past Dominik Hasek at 14:21 of the third overtime to bring
Lord Stanley to the Lone Star State. Belfour continues his fantastic
goaltending, stopping 53 of 54 Buffalo shots in 114:51 of action.
Can you say.....TIVO

Danica.. more like "Spare-ica"
I really could go into an intense tirade, I just don't feel like it. All I know is if I have to see the ESPN highlight of the Schtick-filled "Lady and Gentlemen, start your engines." garbage, I will indeed vomit

Another Star heads north
Jason Zawacki of the Dallas Stars Midget 3A is the latest to find himself a new home in the junior hockey ranks, landing a spot with the Chilliwack Chiefs of the BCHL. He will no doubt enjoy the sparkly new Prospera Centre, where the Chiefs call home until next season when they plan to move.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Wednesday Walk-through

GyminutesMemo to over 30 man at lifetime who plays pickup basketball. You are not back in your glory days of high school. It is not '79, and I certainly don't care if you played for Bowie High in the Texas state AAA championship. Yeah, if only coach would have put you in fourth quarter, you are sure you would have been state champs, not a doubt in your mind- Well in my mind, there are doubts, especially after watching you air mail your 3rd consecutive shot. Please, stop calling for "help-side defense," and stop attempting to draw a charge on that 7th grade kid from Renner. Also, is it really necessary to point out that the kid also took 3 steps on his way to the basket? Allen Iverson takes 5 steps on a consistent basis, it really isn't a big deal. And I know, its a really big game; in fact, the biggest game of the day for Lifetime's 'Green Court', and I am the first one to go out there and be competitive.......but Rec Specs? come on, the game isn't going to be that intense-even if you continue to dive for loose balls all game long.

Stairs; more dangerous than we think

after seeing the injury to the Rockies' rookie sensation, Clint Barmes, it got some to thinking of the risks of the staircase.What else could go wrong for the Rock

There are three common forms of stair mishaps.
1. The heel slip- This is perhaps the most common, and usually occurs when the stair goer is wearing socks, and descending the stairs. As a general rule, the thinner the sock, the more dangerous the trot. The actual slip occurs when the person gets to anxious, and doesn't land the foot entirely on the "meat" of the stair, instead only touching the heel to the edge. Thus, creating an imbalance, forcing the heel outward, often times landing the user on one's coccyx.
2.The downward miss n' jolt- This, too occurs when one is traveling faster than one should upon stairs. Often a folly suffered by younger children running down the stairs, it occurs when one misses the intended stair, and must then in mid flight attempt to land firmly upon the next stair, thus forcing one's leg to jolt.
3.The misjudge- the misjudge is the main upwards mishap, occurring when one is 'running' up the stairs. Many a time, one will attempt to skip odd stairs while running up a flight. This strategy is fine when mastered, however, stair amateurs will find that they occasionally will not be able to make the stair towards which they are striding, instead, jamming their foot into the side of the stair, and crumbling down to a level of mortality, and defeat.
The common theme here is of course: take your time. An extra 3 seconds could mean the difference in your health.

Really one must look at the stair with a sense of understanding and respect. If approached with caution, the stair can be a vital, and convenient form of vertical transportation. Always keep in mind that the stair's intent is not to curb your travels, but rather to help you reach your destination. And if respected, will almost always take you there safely.

I hate liberals
Well, at least their political ideaology

Good night/God bless

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The first of two big cele's for 'The World's Team' Posted by Hello

Monday, June 06, 2005

Monday milk n' cookies

So over the weekend you may have missed the intense press coverage of the world's most unimportant sport; unless you opened your eyes, of course. Yes, all weekend long, with nothing but the seemingly endless drudgery that is the Major League Baseball regular season, networks decided to go to the sports bullpen, and signal for the underhand throwing spare that is women's softball. I don't know who is watching this, but I would have to assume that many of the viewers could be placed into the following group; The lesbian. Now I'm not saying all softball players are lesbians... But come on, it has to be a very good percentage, many have body types that make NFL linemen jealous. I guess without hockey, ESPN will try absolutely anything to fill the void.

Rogers Rocks, Rangers Roll
The Gambler continues to baffle opposing hitters, and the Rangers continue to play good strong baseball, lighting up the Royals for 2 out of three, after losing 2 straight to Los Tigers de Detroit. CoCo shook things up a bit when he hit a batter in the ninth, then 'gestured' towards the bench of the Royals. Nice Job, CoCo, this team is now starting to play with not only skill, but also with a 'Fuck you attitude.' Very exciting to watch and see how this team develops over the course of a long season.

I hate fat people
Fat people make the world a disgusting place, I propose to draft a law deeming it 'illegal' to be overweight. Then maybe next time you would think twice about grabbing that kolache.... fat ass

Arabs working out?
Ok, nothing against the Arab people... ok, maybe a little against them, but i digress. The Arab is just not an athletic person. Try it, take your friend Punjab Arafat, and buy him an entire athletic ensemble. Nike Pro shorts, and tight fitting shirt-check. headband, check. athletic shoes-check. now take a look at him.....HAHAAHA what a gongshow. look how his shoulders droop down, and his chest goes inward. and not to mention that cute little 'stache he is sporting. I wanted to illustrate this fact because recently, while working out at my establishment, i couldn't help but notice an abundance (three) of Arab men 'working out.' I do believe, however that with a full year of working out, and eating right.......nothing would happen. Just an assortment of sweat that hints of curry.

Spurs ready to throttle pistons
More to come on this soon.... but enough can be said in the following statement; Pistons, watch the fuck out.

My sincere apologies go out to the many non-lesbian women who may in fact play softball, or any Arabs who may in fact be athletic. And also to the Detroit Pistons, and I only apologise to you because you have had a great season, and it is unfortunate that the Spurs will now have to crush you.

wow, do I hate dimes now

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Well no surprise the Spurs went ahead and took care of business Vs. the Suns. Tim Duncan (who by the way almost made the all that is man list), was nothing short of dominating last night. Again showing he is the best player in basketball. Amare Stoudemire may be catching up to Tim, however he must learn to play defence to be held in a class with him. Next up... well who knows yet, but it shouldn't matter who the Spurs face, they are clearly the cream of the crop in this NBA season. GO SPURS!
Duncan and Parker lead the way

Spurs advance to finals, Suns advance to golf course

First Annual "All that is man" list

I'm sure this will be a very controversial list.. but here goes, the list of men who exemplify the dominance of man. The ones that show all the reasons why we live in a male dominated society. Remember.. this list is very exclusive.

1. Tom Brady
2. Manu Ginobili
3. Collin Ferrell
4. Ben Roethlisberger
5. Tiger Woods
6. Aaron Baddelley
7. (T) Mike Modano
Rick Nash

Speaking of hockey... Looking for news on the lockout dispute? try Eklund's Blog

49'ers make a mistake... although it just sounds humorous to me 49'ers video

Extreme Skipping

Sexual Harassment video

Classic video game footage

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A cup of Tuesday's tea

Tommorow: Look for the most anticipated list in the history of the Sports/Fitness,etc. blog: The annual "All that is man" list. Showcasing the famous persons that exemplify everything every man wants to be. Will there be surprises, upsets? Find out tommorow.. Also, in the coming days, look for the "All that is woman" list. Which will include everything all men want in a woman. log on to find out which famous women make the list

You were probably listening to the Frisco Roughriders broadcast last night for the post-game show. But in case for some reason you didn't catch it; here is cliff notes version of the show. I was able to grab some air time with the premiere of my "player interview/ clubhouse correspondent" portion of the show. I spent a quality five minutes talking with my good friend Shane Bazzell about his dominating performance out of the starters role. This is only the start of my on-air domination, where soon I will be part of the game-crew. But until then, tune into the post-game show, and sometimes (when I decide to show up) you will hear my sweet voice.

The 'first place' Texas Rangers continue to impress, winning as I watch the Tigers record the final out... having one nine straight until tonight. Begging the question, "Is this team ever going to cool off? Or are they just that good." I propose it is something in between. They obviously can't keep hitting at this torrid pace, but I do believe it is a sign that this team has matured greatly, and with a little help from a depleted bullpen (Danny Graves???), the Rangers could eek out a division win, or wild card bid.

Today's philosophic observation: Men have known this since the dawn of time, however woman have denied it since the inception of the spoken word. However I am here once and for all to utilize scientific evidence, and state that woman only care about money, and nothing else. While conducting my research I went to the Tom Thumb supermarket at Park and Dallas Parkway (tollway). I conducted preliminary research in the parking lot, surveying the vehicles: Mercedes, Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Mercedes, BMW, Lexus... "Wow", I thought to myself, "There must be a lot of highly successful business men in this store." Upon entrance I found myself to be not only mistaken, but so egregiously off base that I was embarrassed. I found myself immersed in an endless sea of women with Addias visors, short athletic shorts, hair in pony tail, sunglasses up on head, and a little boy named Cooper next to their side. I wondered, "hmm, it is 2 o'clock in the afternoon, what could all of these generic, good looking moms be doing shopping, when they obviously have important jobs paying them salaries with which they must use to pay for such expensive vehicles." Waiiiit a minute, these good-looking women don't even have jobs! "Well, maybe all of their husbands are good looking, nice, sensitive men." I thought to myself as I wanted to get to the bottom of the issue. It just so happened that a couple of these women were with their husbands, and as my notes concur; they werent much to look at. And men, unlike women, are the first ones to admit if a guy is "good-looking".. or "has something going for him." Its not gay, in fact, its as far from it as one can get, because it shows mental stability, and confidence in one's own appearence. But excuse me, I'm getting off track. Anyways, these men are not only nerdy looking, but sometimes overtly disgusting. But, is it any wonder she is with him? She is carrying a Louis Vuitton hand bag, and wearing the latest in "want to look fit even though I can't fit working out into my "busy schedule" that involves; bitching about having to cook occasionally, and calling the maids several times a day to let them know what they missed in the 3rd living room" fashion. She doesn't have a job, yet has everything she could possibly want... except happiness.. Once in this position of being wed to a man she never really loved, just loved his net worth, most woman find themselves feeling unfulfilled. It appears like the perfect life, nice big house, cute little kid, rich husband, country club membership; But what has this woman actually accomplished for herself? She, not the man, has treated her like a possession, rather than a person.