Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Gyminutes (note the cute play on words)

So another nighttime workout, and I have made the following observations:
If you are over 40, chances are you are not playing a competitive intense sport, so why the need for an intense exercise? Excessive grunting, and intense spotter lingo(GET IT!, ONE MORE!, DRIVE!) should be reserved only for members training for a specific purpose, and that one extra lift may put them over the top, giving them an advantage on their opponents. If Karl Swinson, a 55 year old network associate for Initech, can't quite get that 10th bench rep of 105, it really isn't a big deal because he is a nobody, and that rep will not noticeably improve his already flabby body.

Memo to fat woman in spandex:
Just by looking at you, we are well aware you are a lesbian. No need to wear a purple jumpsuit to match your Ellen Degeneres-esque "partner."

Hey, generic gym-goer. You aren't that sweet. I promise you. Just because you work out on occasion does not give you the right to think you are somebody in this world. Quit bouncing around the place like you are Roy Jones F-ing Jr. It's great you have energy, but bouncing around symbolizes athleticism-which you lack. Oh, and get out of the way of the Fucking mirror- There is absolutely no need to get right up against the mirror while you are doing hammer curls with 17.5's. Gym etiquette states you get your weights, and get the hell out of the way. And once you get your weights, DO NOT try to get psyched for your next set(see first note), your entire experience in the gym is to stay in shape, hooray! You have already accomplished that from your 5 minute bike ride- You can't trick everyone in the gym into thinking you are really intense just because you look somewhat focused. I can see right through you, it's all a show, you just want people to notice you. Well congratulations jackass, I noticed you, and you look like a fool.

DO NOT, under any circumstances wear Under Armour tight gear if you don't have the physique. It magnifies every glaring defect on your pathetic body.

Get out of my way when I am doing an exercise- Even though you don't deserve it, I show you respect by not walking in front of your mirror view. So when I am in the middle of an intense set of shoulder press, let me see myself! I, unlike you, have earned the right to look at myself in the mirror, and be intense- My workout actually matters.

Final note for this evening. Generic high school kids: Just because you work lower chest, and upper bi's doesn't mean that you are fit, it just means your Hollister graphic tee may fit a little tighter around the arm and around the chest. Well that's what you want isn't it? it satisfies you the first time someone comes up to you and says, "Have you been working out?" never mind the fact that your bicep is only defined midway down your arm; and legs? Who does legs? And back, "You mean you can workout your back?" Yes, bench press is great, kids, but have you ever thought that you can improve your all mighty bench press figures by simply working on other parts of your body?

I've learned that most people that work out at health clubs are the equivalent of this poor guy Oliver


Blogger MTHANDED17 said...

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